What I Was Going to Blog About

I meant to blog all last week about my progress towards my goals, and how I'm doing with my Make Nine Challenge, but I can't quite bring myself to care enough to talk about it.

green checks are completed and the orange star is on the needles

TL;DR, it's going very well, thank you for asking.  I seem to suddenly have as much time as ever for knitting, despite my new found love for Animal Crossing.

Today should have been the first day of my Passover PTO.  I try to take the Wed-Fri before our Seder off to get ready, and then the Mon-Tues after to recover.   But what with one thing and another, my plans have changed, and I'm only taking two days off.

I mean, everyone's plans have changed right?

For the first time in over twenty years, I won't be having Seder with my community.  Gathering 30+ people into my living room right now would be beyond irresponsible, so we're doing the smart and sensible thing, and eventually I'm going to have a good cry about it.

I haven't yet, but I can tell it's coming.  A dear friend linked me to a Darcy Lewis (MCU) Passover fic and just reading the summary was enough to get me to tear up.

"This is the bread of affliction that our ancestors ate in the land of Egypt. All who are hungry should come and eat. All who are in need should come and make Pesach. Now we are here, next year out of quarantine!"

So here I sit at a cross roads.  I can decide to wallow and be angry and sad and to say the hell with it and eat bacon cheeseburgers on Saturday (okay, I lie, just typing that made me twitch a little).  But the point remains - I get to decide how to respond to this.  And yes, it's 100% valid to be upset.  My oldest daughter has her own household now, and we won't be sharing Seder together this year for the first time since our family began this tradition.   Some of the kids (I say "kids" ... they're all adults) that are part of my family-by-choice won't have this celebration to come to this year.  I won't see the wonderful friends and community members that I see so rarely.  And yeah.  All of that is true, and it's okay that I'm sad and angry and a little bit heart-broken.

a naye yor, a naye cast-on

But, Passover is a time of renewal.  It's a time of hope, and new beginnings.  At Passover we celebrate the fact that however hard things are right now, we know that it will not always be this way.  Tomorrow things will be better. 

I get to decide how I want to respond to this.

We will have a tiny family Seder here at the Burrow, with Carl, Morgan, and Rowan.  It will be lovely and intimate, and with only four of us ...  this year we can see what that line about "reclining" is all about.  Think of the bounty of space we'll have! 

And in this moment, let me share my extreme gratitude and love for my sweet husband.  He is driving this tiny family Seder, and making sure that it happens.

We'll have charoset, and home-made horseradish, and if we can't find lamb we have back-up brisket, and I have wine (oh yes, I have wine) and it's going to be lovely.

This year, a tiny Seder.  Next year, at the Burrow!  Now we are here, next year out of isolation!